Saturday Observations of a Befuddled Mind

From observations of my own 5 children over the past 24 hours, I've come to the following conclusions..

• When you have children, not only it is always darkest before the dawn, it's also loudest.
• At night, a strange metamorphosis occurs that leaves all children with cold feet and uncut toenails.
• All Toddlers are blessed with the innate ability to know exactly how long they can go between smiling at their parents to ensure their survival.
• There has not yet been a diaper created that can successfully last a night on freshly washed bedding.
• No food offered to a toddler will taste good unless it has dust fuzzies and hair stuck to it.
• To a toddler, every door is an invitation to a new and astounding world that must be seen at all costs.
• Math is not the universal language.. wailing in a high pitch is.
• Might may make Right.. but it does not make silence.
• 'Current fashion trends' of children under 6 years of age will never include matching socks.
• Most people are not aware, but the "DefCon" system is actually a measurement of a Mother's level of frustration.
• There is not, nor will there ever be such a thing as a 'Happy Medium' when there are more than one child involved.
• The Universal Truth is that you can buy 4 of the same toy and without fail, 1 will be broken, 1 will break within an hour of the purchase, 1 will get lost, and 1 will work perfectly and become the motivating factor behind dozens of fights.
• All empirical evidence suggest that children between the ages of 12 and 18 months are rendered intoxicated by breathing oxygen. 
• Children are physically unable to understand any further attempts at communication once the word "candy" has been introduced into a conversation.