Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Insecure Writer's Group.. (Think Large, Act Small)

So.. it's been a while since I've blogged. I wish I could come up with a witty joke about what has been going on.. or that I had some really, really valid excuse.. but the truth is that there's nothing going on, and I have no excuse.. I've just been stuck.

I seemed to be having some good success back in November/December.. and even into February I was doing well..and then suddenly everything sort of slowed down.

Then when I figured out that LDStorymakers wasn't going to happen.. everything sort of died.  The little spark that was glowing sort of went out.

My WIP suddenly seemed lost.. discombobulated, completely out of sync.  My thoughts stopped getting me excited. In fact my writing thoughts sort of stopped altogether.  Not that I didn't have some thoughts, but they were mostly negative, guilt ridden thoughts.  It wasn't, "I should do this, or this.." they were more, "Why am I even wasting my time?"

*sigh*.. The really frustrating part is, I know what my stumbling blocks are, I know how to overcome them.. I know what I should be doing.  I know that doubt creeps into everybody's minds, I know that I haven't worked hard enough to have earned type of success that I want. I know that allowing myself to become distracted isn't just something that happens.. it's a choice that I consciously and knowingly make.  I know that I need to just sit down and pound out a minimum amount of words a day.. even if I don't feel like it, even if there are no words in my heart to speak.. even if the desire to write isn't there.  I know that repetition breeds habit, and that success isn't something that just magically happens one day.. in fact I know all too well that there is no such thing as 'success happening'.. that there is no destination, but rather only a journey.. and that success isn't something that occurs but that it is something that joins you mid-journey.

I know these things. I believe these things. I honestly do.. and yet.. still I struggle to maintain my direction.  My focus wanders. Sometimes I wonder if I have a focus at all.  I have goals.. but they seem to get swallowed up by daily distractions.

Yogi Berra, that fountain of quotations, once said that, "If you don't know where you are going you'll end up someplace else." (think about that for a moment)

Another, more traditional quote, from William Jennings Bryan, "Destiny is not a matter of chance.. it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

I guess my insecurities creep into my small decisions, which in turn has a domino effect from there.  It start small, with just those nagging doubts and fears.. and then morphs into the sort of problems that plague me today.

I need to make better decisions on a daily basis.. I need to stop looking at the end goal and start focusing on the small things.. start at the bottom and begin correcting my mistakes from there.. and the rest will follow.

The problem is, how do you keep your eyes off the big goal?




9 comments:

  1. I've missed you, Kevin! It has been a while! And that stinks with Storymakers--I was hardly there so I missed out on a lot too!

    And I love this post. I get this post. I want to say though that there's a time and season for everything. I think it's okay to allow ourselves to go through the ups and downs--the periods where we're not working as much. Sometimes things need to get sorted in our brains before we can get the words on paper. I know that's how I work. So I think it's okay to go through the downs before the inspiration strikes again--and I know that you know the muse will strike back, and when it does, ride it. Ride the wave as long as you can! And then when another lull hits, it's okay. Take a step back. Part of this journey is righting everything inside of us.

    And you've got this perspective thing down, Kevin. You get it--you're smart and you know how it works. But I also think it's okay to breathe. You've had A LOT of change and hardship in your life and maybe you need to play catch up for a couple of months before you can dive in and do what you know you can.

    I always love your posts. :D

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  2. My perspective is a bit different from yours...(Keeping my eye on the goal is not the problem. Keeping obstacles out of the way of my writing time is.) ...but I feel for you. You're a talented writer. I hope you can find your spark again. Don't give up.

    IWSG# 123, until Alex culls the list again. :)

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  3. The most successful people don't give up. They may take a new turn, however. Celebrate the small accomplishments. They bring you to the big ones!

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  4. I was going to say that sometimes you hav to simply keep your eye on the small goals -- but I like the eating an elephant metaphor better. Go get your knife and fork, pull up a chair and take a bite.

    BTW, nice to meet you.

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  5. Your commenters are onto something with the elephant metaphor! One thing that helps me too is to set a smallish goal and implement a reward for completing it, maybe to distract me from the idea that meeting that small goal is so very far from achieving the big one. In fact that might be key--don't let the size of the elephant overwhelm you! Just keep munching. :)

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  6. I'm so glad you're on my assigned list today. I don't get around to your blog near often enough.

    We all deal with stuff getting us down and affecting our writing. I know I do. As far as big goal vs little goals, I think we need to do both--manage the little goals mostly, but glance at the big one often enough we don't forget where we're headed.

    Great post. :)
    August co-host and IWSG #110

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  7. Hmm... You know, if I look at what you're describing and what I've experienced, I think you're suffering from burn-out.

    Often when things go super well for quite some time, it's as if I suddenly run out of words.

    Basically, the solution to that is to refill your creative well. Stop trying to write. Watch movies. Paint. Or knit. Or whatever else creative you enjoy to do. Read like a fiend. At some stage, that urge to write will return.

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