Saturday, March 24, 2012

Saturday Observations of a Befuddled Mind

From observations of my own 5 children over the past 24 hours, I've come to the following conclusions..
  • When you have children, not only it is always darkest before the dawn, it's also loudest.
  • At night, a strange metamorphosis occurs that leaves all children with cold feet and uncut toenails.
  • All Toddlers are blessed with the innate ability to know exactly how long they can go between smiling at their parents to ensure their survival.
  • There has not yet been a diaper created that can successfully last a night on freshly washed bedding.
  • No food offered to a toddler will taste good unless it has dust fuzzies and hair stuck to it.
  • To a toddler, every door is an invitation to a new and astounding world that must be seen at all costs.
  • Math is not the universal language.. wailing in a high pitch is.
  • Might may make Right.. but it does not make silence.
  • 'Current fashion trends' of children under 6 years of age will never include matching socks.
  • Most people are not aware, but the "DefCon" system is actually a measurement of a Mother's level of frustration.
  • There is not, nor will there ever be such a thing as a 'Happy Medium' when there are more than one child involved.
  • The Universal Truth is that you can buy 4 of the same toy and without fail, 1 will be broken, 1 will break within an hour of the purchase, 1 will get lost, and 1 will work perfectly and become the motivating factor behind dozens of fights.
  • All empirical evidence suggest that children between the ages of 12 and 18 months are rendered intoxicated by breathing oxygen. 
  • Children are physically unable to understand any further attempts at communication once the word "candy" has been introduced into a conversation.


5 comments:

  1. lol. Welcome to the world of parenthood. Hope you enjoy it! ;p

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  2. "All empirical evidence suggest that children between the ages of 12 and 18 months are rendered intoxicated by breathing oxygen."

    LOL - Wait until you see the *long-term* side effects. Some of these kids are damaged permanently by it! (Don't tell mine I said that though... They're big enough to hurt me now.)

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  3. Oh my goodness... this is SO my world! *laughs*

    Too right. So spot on. Very fun. Only a true parent would be able to put a list like this together. I love it! ;)

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  4. LOL! What a great list. I only have two but I can relate to a bunch up there. What's also amazing is the number of times they will call your name in a 24 hour time period!

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  5. I giggled my way through this list. So true.

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