Monday, February 20, 2012

4th Platform Building Campaign 1st Exercise - Flash Fiction

One-Eye from the movie
"Valhalla Rising"
Shadows crept across the wall like fingers on an unseen hand, moving slowly towards where he sat. The advancing hour meant it was nearly time. He stood, gripping the cold chain that held him bound, and felt the stirrings of the savage he kept suppressed within. Shortly they would both be unshackled, again.

He closed his eyes and exhaled, slowly. He brought his hands up and examined the scars earned over a lifetime of fighting. The rust from the chain left an orange stain on his fingers, but he did not wipe it off. Soon enough they would be covered by a different color.

He took no pride in having survived longer than any other fighter he knew of. Before long his time would pass to a younger, stronger man. That time, however, was not today.

He knelt once more on the cold dirt to offer a prayer to the Gods that saw fit to preserve his life but not allow him control over it. He dropped his chin to his chest and began the prayer that would transform to death chant, surrendering his thoughts to the rhythm as the intensity of the dirge grew and around him everything faded.
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If you enjoyed my story, please give me a quick thumbs-up here, #57.

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count. 
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
  • end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)  (DONE)
  • include the word "orange" in the story  (DONE)
  • write in the same genre you normally write  (DONE)
  • make your story 200 words exactly!  (DONE)

67 comments:

  1. Ooh very cool! I LOVED this line, "He stood, gripping the cold chain that held him bound, and felt the stirrings of the savage he kept suppressed within." Great job!

    I'm entry #19

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  2. Duuuude... seriously. This is one of my favs for SURE. Loved how you opened it. You've got skills, friend. Just "liked" it :D

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  3. Very well done. I loved the first line - it was an awesome hook!

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  4. Nice setting of the tone of the piece. Felt the desperation of survival.

    #59, Tale Spinning

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  5. Wow that was intense! I'd love to read further.

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  6. Very striking imagery, Kevin. Like a few of these stories, I'm left wanting to know a lot more about the protagonist. I'll vote for you!

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  7. Ooohh that was intense! Very good imagery! I want to read more! :)

    I'm #37

    I'm a new follower too :)

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  8. Holy crap that was amazing! You get my vote. I'll be following you now :)

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  9. This was great. Intense amazing images that really made me connect with the fighter. Great job!
    I'm a new follower and you can also check out my entry #36 if you'd like.

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  10. Very, very nice! I love how you incorporated orange. :)

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  11. Love the imagery. It really puts the reader in the scene. Wonderful! BTW, thanks for dropping by My Withershins. :) (In case you're wondering, I often have trouble commenting on Blogspot with my Word Press ID)

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  12. Congratulations! Your piece has been shortlisted to advance to the quarter final round. Good luck!

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  13. You have given us a fascinating insight into the enslaved fighter and built up the tension effectively...can't wait to read more.

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  14. This was an excellent piece, Kevin! Really drew me into the misery of this person. With writing like that, I think you're heading places. Nice one! :)

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  15. Awesome imagery! Really made me feel for the unwilling Gladiator!

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  16. I will be voting for your too, Kevin! Loved it, the best I have read!

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  17. Very nice piece. Loved how you were able to convey so much with so few words.

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  18. Loved the first line! Shadows crept across the wall like fingers on an unseen hand...

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  19. tool of the gods. i wonder what his story is! surely more!
    great job!

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  20. Loved this! Who is this nameless man? I feel like I must know his name! :)

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  21. I enjoyed this - well written and great character depth for such a short piece :)

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  22. Wow - I want more!! Well done! New follower - I look forward to reading your posts.

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  23. Brilliant, Kevin. Love the direction you took your piece.

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  24. Loved all the description your included in such a short piece. Excellent work!

    Michelle

    www.michelle-pickett.com

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  25. Awesome story, beautifully written! I want to know more about this "savage."

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  26. Really intense. Great imagery. A promise of things to come. All the things that make a story great!

    I'm a new follower and entry #96

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  27. Very evocative! Love that the orange was rust.

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  28. Great use of 'orange'!! This guy is so intriguing. I'd like to read the rest!

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  29. A fantastic piece - such great dignity - 'offer a prayer to the Gods that saw fit to preserve his life but not allow him control over it' conjures up such powerful imagery -'like' from me - #91

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  30. Fantastic sense of character in so few words. You've got my vote!

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  31. Nice blog! I'm new to this campaign thing, but am really enjoying it! So, Tag! You're it! Visit my blog for a list of my eleven questions then link it back to me! Look forward to getting to know you better! ~Theresa Sneed author of No Angel and its forthcoming prequel, From Heaven to Earth http://theresasmallsneed.blogspot.com

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  32. Awesome story, I could read a whole book about this fellow. Great job, I really did like it!

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  33. great use of prayer in the struggle! excellent character...!

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  34. Li saw Valhalla - freaky movie. Good story that fits right in!!

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  35. Yep! I'll give it a thumbs up. It's like you could feel his weariness of soul and body. Great post!

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  36. Your words would have painted a great picture even without the one next to the story!

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  37. Always love a great will to survive story and you nailed it! Off to vote for you now :-)

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  38. Thaat's certainly original. Nice job. Mine is # 71

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  39. "the prayer that would transform to death chant" was killer. I could really imagine that the character transports himself to another place before doing whatever it takes to survive. Excellent!
    #160

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  40. Wonderfully written. I think this might have to be my favorite.

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  41. Awesome! You get my vote.
    Melissa Maygrove
    Campaign Entry #149

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  42. This is a great entry for the challenge. Well done!

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  43. There is so much revealed about this character in just 200 words. Thanks for sharing!

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  44. Hello from your MG/YA group!
    I could really picture this guy just from your words. I also liked that prayer to death chant part, and the use of the chains real and symbolic.

    Mine is a prolog for my book. Number 148. I hope it makes you want to read my book.

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  45. Nice use of orange for the rust. Well done. I'm number 50. :)

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  46. Congratulations, you're a winner in the challenge!

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  47. Kevin, this is a seriously awesome entry, one I couldn't stop thinking about even after reading other entries! Congratulations, you've not only won the Peoples' Choice Awards, I've also awarded you first prize in the Judging Round too!!! Make sure you check out my post to see all the cool prizes you've won :)

    Congrats again!

    Hugs,

    Rach

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    Replies
    1. Wow, there were so many tremendous entries.. I'm speechless.

      Thanks so much for putting this entire thing together.

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  48. Congratulations on your two wins, Kevin! Your entry was awesome!

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  49. Hey congratulations on the double win! Well deserved!

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  50. Congrats on the win(s), Kevin! So psyched there are so many people producing great stuff and sharing it with the Write Campaign! Feel free to let me know your address and where to send the books you won!

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  51. That was such an awesome piece. You so deserved to win. Congratulations on both wins! YAY!!!!

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  52. Congratulations on your wins! You deserve it. :-)

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  53. Congrats on the two wins. This entry was beyond awesome.

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  54. Hey Kevin! I just noticed how you won....twice! That rocks. Great job! :)

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  55. I had to stop by and read this after seeing it won first in both categories. Congrats, I can definitely see why it won. In a few words, you create a striking character that we both pity and fear.

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